A Clockwork Exorcism
by notquitegone
Summary: The Exorcist in true A Clockwork Orange fashion (written by Skillcorn)


Disclaimer: I do not own "A Clockwork Orange", nor do I own "The Exorcist". They all belong to a movie company. This is just for fun, no profit making is my very own invention.

A CLOCKWORK EXORCISM 

It was a Wednesday and me, that is Susan, viddyed a most peculiar board with the two words oui and ja written across the top for all the world to see. As a joke I asked the Ouija - who by now I had figured was a dirty old perv of a brother – whether or not the spirit found my grotesque mother pleasant. There was no reply from the spiritual brother, none at all.

I urinated on the floor. They scanned the gulliver as I screamed the words of our forefathers. The sophistos from the hospital, around the corner, talking and govoreeting. The Doctor was checking away, and not caring about the wicked world one bit. Then the scan of my brain twanged off and out, and in the short silence before the next one came on, he suddenly came with a burst of joy, and it was like for a moment, O my brothers, some great weight had fallen into the hospital and I felt all the malenky little hairs on my plott standing endwise, and the shivers crawling up like slow malenky lizards and then down again. Because I knew what he said. It was that they had found nothing wrong with me.

Then, brothers, it came. O bliss, bliss and hell, oh it was Satan made flesh. The bones crunched redgold under my bedsheets, and under my gulliver my neck turned three sixty-wise, red-flamed and there by the door the demons rolling through my guts and out again, chuckled like drunkerds thundering. It was like a bat of rarest spun hell metal or like bloody wine flowing in a space ship, gravity all nonsense now. As I shook, I knew such horrid pictures. There were veets and ptitsas laying on the ground screaming for mercy and I was smecking all over my rot and grinding my boot into their tortured litsos and there were naked devotchkas ripped and creeching against walls and I plunging like a shlaga into them. And the part I remembered most vivid: the words 'Fuck Me' repeated.

The shrink arrived on que. 'Ah, Susan girl, how old are you, yes? Is there someone inside you, yes? You said something about a pain somewhere... hence not at school, yes?'  
'A rather intolerable pain in the head, brother, sir. I think it should be clear by this afterlunch'  
'Oh, or certainly by this evening, yes? The evening's a great time, isn't it, Susan girl? Anything wrong?  
I replied in my best fashion and turned the question on the shrink.  
'Why should you think of anything being wrong, have you been doing something you shouldn't. Yes?'  
'To a degree' I replied  
'Well, yes, this is just a friendly chat from your Local Psychiatrist to you that you watch out, little Susan. Because next time it's going to be the bad place and all my work ruined. If you've no respect for your horrible self, you at least might have some for me who, in the future, will have sweated over you.'

The conversation continued in true shrink jabber. One thing I could never stand is to see a filthy, dirty old shrink, howling away at the forgotten teachings of his fathers and saying 'Yes?', 'Yes?' in between as it might be a filthy old orchestra in his stinking rotten guts. I could never stand to see anyone like that, whatever his age might be, but more especially when he was real young like this one was. So I helped myself to a handful of his goolies.

Later I was left, alone in the house, with none other than my mother's dear lovey.  
'Right, Bert. Check yourself… Bert!' Bert set me down but held me firmly. I starts to sing ó "Banana Phone", accompanying it with a kind of tap dance. 'Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring'. I kick him accenting the lyrics. 'Banana Phoooone'. I clubs Bert with a stick, in the time to the music. 'Do do da do do dooo'. I pushes Bert's face out the window. 'Ive got this feeling, it's so appealing' I kick Bert again and push him out the window, down the stairs. 'for us to get together and SING!'

The first priest came and left. I gave him a bit of the shit 'help me' in the stomach all that crap. But then, then there was another.

He purred in real horrorshow ó a nice, gave a warm vibraty feeling all through your guttiwuts. Soon it was fog and dark, my brothers, with shadows. He fillied around for a while with my mother, playing comforter of the meek. Then he headed up, what he was after now, was the old surprise visit, that was a real kick and good for laughs and lashing of the ultra-violent.

The bastard won but I got him and his droog who pretty much just viddyed till the end… shit eh?


End file.
